Each letter, one concept — this one is about change resistance.
When I started working with, let's call him Tim, I was very excited about what his ideas were for the company. He was stepping in as a Senior Vice President, he had organizational influence, he had great experience and a lot of desire to make an impact.
Over the months of working together, he noticed, and I noticed, his ideas were not getting traction. He was doing the 'right' things: meeting with directs and skip-levels, he had spreadsheets of goals, plans and he was sharing his vision. Lots of what we would consider "best practices" in terms of a new leader at a senior level.
But he wasn't getting traction, his ideas were not landing. There was massive, passive resistance. No one was telling him directly, "no." Meaning, no one was overtly objecting, but I could tell based on the traction alone people were not bought into…him.
And in my time working with him and since, I've thought a lot about why. Tim was intelligent, prepared, and well-intentioned. But there was something present that was harder to see, and name. Invisible, if you will. His communication was precise but not warm. He listened to respond, not to understand. He spoke, but not in a way that you could feel. What was happening were the kinds of things people feel but can't quite articulate. And when people can't trust what they feel, they quietly or overtly stop following you.
What you see: A leader doing all the 'right' things. Meeting with the 'right' people. Following the playbook.
What happening beneath: A leader that wasn't connected to his own body, heart, or being. Unable to convey trust, inspire respect, or build a following. And nobody said so out loud.
So we explored the Three Levels of Resistance*.
Level 1: I don't get it. Intellectual. People need more information. Clearer data, a better explanation of the why. This is the level most leaders are trained to address, because it feels solvable. Better slides. More town halls. A longer FAQ. Level 1 is comfortable because it can be tracked on a spreadsheet.
Level 2: I don't like it. Emotional. People will often ask Level 1 questions, but what's underneath is fear. Fear of losing status, control, maybe their job. You can answer every question correctly but unless you are curious and compassionate about their emotions, you are going to have a hard time making progress.
Level 3: I don't like you. Personal. And the sneakiest of the three. This doesn't always mean people actively dislike you. But it does mean they don't trust you and don't have confidence in your leadership. Maybe they carry history with you, or with what you represent. Or maybe you were not their first pick in the hiring rounds. It's hard to know sometimes. But when trust is missing, the ideas become harder to sell. People will nod in the meeting and not follow through afterward. Because the safest response to someone you don't trust is to seem agreeable.
So, my client was swimming in Level 3 and was using tactics at Level 1. He was trying to clarify his ideas. His vision. His mission. But needed to connect, both with himself and others in a more meaningful way.
What I wish I had done with Tim is drill into Level 3 more. Transparently, I didn't go deep enough and I've thought about that since. The questions I would ask now, that I didn't ask enough then:
"What do you think your team needs to trust you?"
"If someone on your team were sitting here right now, what do you think they'd say is missing?"
"What would it look like if this team did trust you? What would you see happening that you're not seeing now?"
"If you don't know the answers — who can help you find out?"
This is what human-to-human skill building actually looks like in practice. Helping a leader find their way to genuine connection, so that people can feel them, so that they can hear them.
A question for you:
If the people around you seem agreeable but nothing is moving, which level might be at play?
— Jill
I have spent years inside corporate leadership rooms with concepts that change how people lead and live— and I want them in more hands. My goal is to decode, demystify and democratize them. Each letter, one concept, so you can explore what might be happening beneath the surface of your conversations, your teams, and yourself.
If this resonates and you're ready to go deeper — I work with leaders one on one and with teams. I'd love to connect.
*Three Levels of Resistance adapted from Rick Maurer, Beyond the Wall of Resistance.