The Science Behind Why You Stop Listening Under Pressure

A few weeks ago, in partnership with Dr. Chloe and Dr. Meghan, we brought the first Moms Who Lead dinner to Seattle, an evening designed to honor senior leader moms at the intersection of leadership, parenting, and wellness.

As there is with any event, there was a lot to pull together. Venue, caterers, timelines, budgets, who was doing what. My analytical brain was fully online - lots of spreadsheets, deadlines, logistics. And then I barely noticed something about how I was showing up.

Despite being a human skills practitioner for the last decade, I was struggling to access the part of me that reads a room. The part that picks up on emotional cues. That adapts in real time to what another person needs. I knew this was happening, and I still couldn't easily shift out of it. And then I remembered why. Thanks to my training.

Neuroscience tells us that our Analytic Network (AN) and Empathetic Network (EN)* cannot both be fully active at the same time. When one is on, it suppresses the other.

The Analytic Network focuses attention, analyzes situations, and makes decisions. The Empathetic Network opens to possibilities, sees patterns, and picks up on other people's emotional cues.

Most business cultures are built to keep us in AN. And when you're deep in execution mode, managing a project, hitting a deadline, driving toward a goal, your AN is running the show. Turns out, that's not a character flaw, it is good ol’ neuroscience.

What you see above the waterline: a leader who is task-oriented, direct, efficient, results-driven.

What's happening beneath it: a brain that literally cannot access its relational skills at the same time.

So what did I do? I asked my co-founder Dr. Chloe for help. I told her: I know I have a tendency to go deep into execution mode. My analytical brain is on fire right now. I may not be seeing the relational things that are happening. Will you help me see what I'm missing?

That's it. That's the skill. Not pretending you can do both at once. Not beating yourself up when your communication gets tasky and direct. But knowing which network you're in, and asking for what you need.

Being an intentional leader means learning to toggle between the two. And the first step is simply becoming aware of which one is running.

Here's the question I'll leave you with: which network are you in most often at work? And do the people around you know when to help you toggle?

This is what human-to-human skill building actually looks like in practice.

-Jill

I have spent years inside corporate leadership rooms with concepts that change how people lead and live— and I want them in more hands. My goal is to decode, demystify and democratize them. Each letter, one concept, so you can explore what might be happening beneath the surface of your conversations, your teams, and yourself.

If this resonates and you're ready to go deeper — I work with leaders one on one and with teams. I'd love to connect.